i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
