There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
