I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
