Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
