We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
