Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
