you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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