sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
