Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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