Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Two words: blizzard sex
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
