this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
