just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
