dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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