i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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