I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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