I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i drank out of a bidet.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Randomize
