so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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