I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
