If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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