I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
