Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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