Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
