As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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