No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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