I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
