The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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