They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
