dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
