remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
