Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
