Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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