I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
