Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
