My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
