Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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