did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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