Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
