I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
