paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
