i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Are we still banned from the library?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
