I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
