Porn is love you can see.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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