He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
