I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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