what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So vagazzling was a success
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
