Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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