my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
