So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
