If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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