We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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