Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
