Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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